Dispair

I was lost. Found myself in the deepest, darkest pit of my formally unsaved soul.
How did I get back here? I have seen the light, I have touched everlasting life. Why am I back here?
Anguished screams from dark corners keeps me awake. Claw marks on the walls of my soul keeps me on edge. Who else was here with me? What did they want? How long have they been here?
No light! I keep searching.... I thought a soul was supposed to be smooth, soft, fragile.....I was wrong!
This place, this soul......MY soul, was rough, blood stained with scratch marks and peeling flesh everywhere. The stench of decay filling my nostrils.
When I woke up in darkness, I did not recognise it as mine, but now it seems familiar. I recognise some of the marks, I made them, clawing at the walls to get out.
Darkness, depression, loneliness......Why am I here!? What have I done wrong? Why Lord, why?
Dark despair falls over me, I can feel the tears falling, my chest burning. It ripps through me.
Just as I thought the despair will devour me whole, I feel a caress. A soft breeze fluttering around me. With it, a faint light.... Hope? My shattered heart and raw soul started to feel it.
In the distance I can see a very faint light moving towards me. As it gets bigger, I get up.
I can feel the warmth of the light thaw out the ice on the walls of my soul. A fluttering of relief wisps past me. I can't quite grasp it with my hand, but my fingertips lightly caresses it.
With the brief touch, a tingling skipped up my arm to find a home in my heart.
The light moving towards me is slowly becoming brighter and brighter. In a few heartbeats so bright that it blinds me. It reaches my toes, moves up my legs, spreading warmth wherever it touches. Wherever the light touched the darkness dissipates.
The darkness, depression and loneliness folds under love, peace and hope.
As the light enfolds me, so does the warmth and love of a familiar presence. I fell to my knees; "Oh God, I thought you have left me!" I cried.
He said lovingly; "I bring you to this place, this minefield of despair, of depression, of hopelessness...your past...to remind you where you come from. To remind you what you've accomplished since then, to remind you that I am your heavenly Father, your God, and NOTHING is impossible for Me. In Me you are saved. In Me you have broken your bondage. In Me you are love. I am God. I will not forsake you. I will always be there to lift you up if only you let Me."
 
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